Kevin’s first mission trip to NYC was in July of 2004. Caleb was 17 months old. Ever since Kevin’s first trip, he has wanted me to join him. In 2005 I was pregnant with Chelsea. In 2006 Chelsea was still nursing. In 2007 Chelsea was 19 months old. Every time Kevin asked me to go to NYC I just kept saying, “The kids are too young. I don’t want to leave them when they are so young.” After Kevin returned from NYC in 2007 he felt that I should be able to go in 2008 because Chelsea would be 2 1/2, and Caleb would be five. All of a sudden, my “kids are too young” excuse was gone. I just kept telling him I would pray about it.
Deep down, I had this fear that if I went on a mission trip, I might die and my kids would be left without a mother. The fear absolutely terrified me. The thought of what my kids would have to endure losing their mother paralyzed me. In my pride, I felt that no one in the whole world could raise my kids as well as I can!
Time kept ticking away, and the deadline for registration for NYC was approaching. People kept asking me if I was going, and I just kept telling them I was praying about it, but I really didn’t want to go! Then one day April was sitting in front of me at church. When the service was over, she turned around and asked me if I was going to NYC. I gave her my customary answer. She said, “Let me tell you about what happened to me last year on the trip.” She told me about how a man threatened her life at a prayer station, and she was ready to take the next plane out of NYC. She went back to the hotel and prayed with some people, and she decided to stay. The next day she led three people to the Lord. When she told me the story, I just broke down and cried! She said, “Had I left NYC when I was afraid, those three people wouldn’t be going to heaven.” I knew that God was speaking to me through April. He was trying to get me to face my fears.
I composed myself, and we walked down to the nursery to get our kids. She continued to talk to me about her experience, and I told her a little bit about my fears. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, she said, “You will miss your kids. I missed my kids, but the homecoming was so much sweeter knowing that those three people will be in heaven because I left my kids.” Again, I burst out in tears!
When I got home from church, I talked to Kevin and told him everything April said. I told him, “I’m so afraid I am going to die!” He tried to reassure me that I would be safe. Then he said, “If you do die, do you really think that you are the only person who can do a good job raising Caleb and Chelsea?” When I thought about it, I realized I was saying that God is not able to take care of them. I finally got what God was trying to teach me. God is more than able to provide people to care for my kids. And really, it is silly to think that I can protect or prolong my life by not going on a mission trip. I could die tomorrow on my way to the grocery story or falling down the stairs in my own house!
So from that day on I decided that I would go on the trip, but I still wasn’t very enthusiastic about it. It wasn’t until I actually sent in my registration that God gave me a peace about it. After I registered, I had a feeling that I did the right thing, and I was actually looking forward to the trip!
About a month before the trip to NYC, Kristen shared a testimony from Billy Graham’s wife Ruth. She had to leave her young children for an entire month because Billy wanted her to be with him on a crusade overseas. A friend wrote to Ruth and encouraged her that God takes care of our children much better than we ever could! I was so touched by Ruth’s testimony, and it was confirmation from God that I was doing the right thing.
