My friend Beverly wrote a great post detailing some parenting tips from John Rosemond. One point jumped off the screen: “As parents, you MUST have a vision for what you want your children to be in the future.”
That statement swirled around in my head. Yeah, I want my kids to be kind and love God, but do I have a specific vision for them? Not really.
About a week after I read Beverly’s post, I turned on the radio. A woman was sharing how each year she sits down with her husband and sets long-term and short-term goals for their children. They talk about what they want their kids to be like when they are older, and they discuss what they can do now to help them reach those goals.
She said something like, “A vision for the future helps you make decisions for today.” Her encouraging words reminded me of something I read in a parenting book a while ago: It’s much easier to prevent problems in your kids now than to fix problems later.
I’ve learned when God sends me the same message from different sources within a few weeks, it’s as if He is putting his arm around my shoulder and gently saying, “I really want you to get this.”
I shared the concept with Kevin, and we spent some time talking about the kind of people we would like Caleb and Chelsea to be when they are in high school.
Here are some of the things we discussed:
- We want them to love everyone (put others’ needs before their own) and reach out to the kids in their classes who need a friend.
- We want them to find their worth in God and be confident and secure in themselves.
- We want them to be mission-minded and have a heart for those who do not know Jesus.
- We want them to be involved in at least one extra-curricular activity, but we don’t want to them to be committed to 10 different activities. We don’t want their lives to be so busy that there is no time for family or personal time with God.
We might alter this list as they grow, but it’s a start. Helping our kids attain these goals requires us to model godly characteristics. Wow, what a great tangible way to keep ourselves accountable to live holy lives.
What vision do you have for your children? Are you setting practical goals to help them become the people in your vision?
I hope to write a post soon about one practical way we are helping Caleb develop a heart for missions. In the meantime, I’d love to hear what goals you have for your kids.
I want my kids to be grateful. I recently heard a speaker talk about raising grateful kids. 2 Tim 3:2 says that in the last days people will be (among other things) ungrateful. I don’t want my children to have an attitude of entitlement but one of gratitude.
Thank you for sharing, Danielle. Gratefulness is definitely lacking in our culture. Great goal for your little man!
Love the post. Thanks for sharing with everyone.
Thanks for LETTING me share with everyone
Love you.
I believe that children naturally rebel as teenagers. If you have a planned path for them you can be pretty sure that they will explore the opposite path. I plan on giving them some space and trusting that the morals instilled in them will ultimately prevail. I am so eager to learn what my children will ultimately become in life. As long as they are healthy and happy that will be enough for me.
Thanks for sharing, Mike. Will reply soon!
I believe children rebel everyday from the day they are born because they are born with a sinful nature. They are pre-programmed to rebel. When you tell your 18-month-old to come to you, and he runs in the opposite direction, he is rebelling. So I’m not worried about them rebelling as teenagers. I fully expect it because they already do it now.
I do believe children from the strictest homes usually rebel the most. Kevin and I run a pretty tight ship, but we are giving them more freedom each year as they mature. We certainly aren’t trying to DICTATE a particular path for them to take, but we are teaching them biblical principles. What they do with those principles is totally up to them.
People of great integrity, character, morals, and faith don’t happen by accident. By Kevin and I setting goals for the values we want to instill in them, in essence we are setting goals for ourselves to model those values. Some of those things we do well and some we are still working on.
Our greatest dream for Caleb and Chelsea is that they accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. We can’t make them do that. It has to be their own choice. Caleb has already made that choice. If Chelsea chooses not to accept Christ, we will be sad and disappointed, but we know that ultimately that issue is between her and God, not us.
One thing I loved about my mom when I was younger is when I questioned her faith in God, she told me to go explore other religions/beliefs and do what seemed right to me. She didn’t get all worried and nervously hope that I chose the same path as her. She just gave me the freedom to find Truth on my own.
No matter what Caleb and Chelsea do with their lives, we will love them because our love is not based on their performance or choices.
i found it!! so here’s what we wrote down when i was pregnant as our desires for our little man:
Love the Lord your God w/ all your heart, soul, mind, & strength.
- eternal perspective
- looks to God as his first resort, not the last
- dependent on the Lord, and the body of believers
- sensitive to those around him
- healthy balance of the soft & hard sides of love
- confident
- bold living w/ discerning tenderness
- man of integrity
- consistent, principled living
- critical thinker
- man of faith: sets goals that can only be accomplished w/ the Lord’s intervention
MAY IT BE SO! For him AND US!!
Thx again for the challenge,
TZ
Wow. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. May God continue to be glorified through your words and actions.
Sage advice Lisa. I should put more energy into teaching greatfulness to our little ones. Thanks for the inspiration.
I agree with your observation about how God shows us the same thing from different sources when He really wants us to GET something! Ted and I have been part of a family community in which the parents are going through Visionary Parenting, which addresses this same topic. So to sit and listen to Dr. Rosemond saying some of the same things was great reinforcement.